My heart aches tonight 08.20

I haven't seen my parents since January. What's worse, I forgot my father's birthday. Guilt and homesickness is taking over me. Preoccupied by GRE, work and stress, I totally forgot that back in China, my father had his birthday "yesterday" due to the time difference. My mom called me just now. She said "Yesterday was your father's birthday and I made some noodles for him." My guilty tears came up. I said "mom, I am actually going to sleep. Please call me later." Then I hang up. At that moment, I didn't know what to say and I cannot let my mom hear me breaking down into tears. She will be very upset. So I wrote them an email telling them that I love them and I felt terrible for missing my father's birthday.

I hate disappointing my parents. I wish I were in China and could make my father noodles on his birthday, like millions of other Chinese girls over there. But I guess that the best way for me to make up is to keep working hard, so that one day I can buy them a house in the bay area.

It was not the first time I forgot about the time difference. "Today" three years ago, I moved in my dorm. The elevator broke down, so I had to carry all my huge suitcases all the way up to the 7th floor. I was extremely envious of other girls who were surrounded by families and had their fathers and brothers help out. While I was dragging my suitcases around, I got a text from my dad that said "happy birthday to myself" (my phone could only read english).

My father probably had been expecting my happy-birthday wish all day...... Tortured by that thought, my heart ached. For the first time in my life I felt lonely. But I also realized that it was time to become brave so that I could make up for my parents in the future.

Now I better stop blogging and get back to work. My teardrops motivated me.